One thing I LOVE about the Internet is the abundance of people that feel their basic knowledge of life surpasses my own. I’m not the smartest guy online, nor am I dumbest. I like to think of myself as having a decent set of tools at my fingertips when it comes to whatever I encounter. If I don’t know the answer to something, I like to make shit up that sounds real, but makes me laugh knowing the person will go on and tell someone else this useless piece of fluff as if it were fact. I consider these little tidbits life’s bonus questions.

Ok, I don’t really do that but think about how much fun it’d be if we did this at least once per day. Pick a word or topic, come up with a new meaning or explanation for it and then as you did in grade two… pass it on.

Who is Nicholas Copernicus? He invented the vibrator.

What is a Colander used for? Mating albino mice.

Who invented Root Beer? Paul Rootenstein

Will calling a girl BABY really get me laid? YES YES YES

I get email from random people asking questions or offering advice. I enjoy it all, but from time to time I will encounter one Jeff Albertson.

Who is Jeff Albertson you ask? You might know him better as Comic Book Guy.

Guys like this will email myself or Bryci and at first, they seem nice. The first email is a polite email offering an idea or way to do this or that. When we email back saying thanks for the idea, they will take that as a sign that we bow down to the internet god status and it means please, email us more of your long winded emails that go on and on about shit we have no interest in knowing.

I like emails, in fact, I love them but when I get some guy writing several emails about the same topic when we haven’t asked him a question on the topic, It makes you wonder. I just can’t help but think…this motherfucker is Comic Book Guy.

This recently happened to Bryci. She and I are both eating healthy and from time to time we’ll write about it. Any of you that know Bryci knows she’s tiny as heck right? Well, this one guy emails her telling her about how she needs to read this diet book and how this is how she should eat, that is what she should eat etc. I mean, the first email… ok, you’re trying to be helpful, that makes sense. The second and third email though… ummm… really? Were those needed Comic Book Guy? Let me see if I understand this right…

You’re writing a model, someone who weighs around 100 pounds and is obviously serious about the way her body looks, telling her to read diet books and you then take it upon yourself to try and dictate her diet for her when she hasn’t asked for any assistance from you at all?

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Worst. Advice. Ever.

Wow. Way to impress the ladies there stud, what do you do for an encore, send out penis photos?

Any guy that has ever known a woman in real life (no, Mom doesn’t count dumb ass) knows that weight is the off grounds topic. Even if they are skinny, you stay the fuck clear of the topic. Even if asked a question.

Do these jeans make my ass look fat?

Right answer: No.

Comic Book Guy answer: No, your ass makes your ass look fat.

Ok, that was just funny. Sorry, got side tracked there.

Point being, guys, here’s a small tip… when it comes to the ladies, if they want your advice, they will very much ask you for it. Even if it’s your significant other, you don’t try and dictate their food intake. That is, unless you’d like eye daggers and possibly like to be banished to the couch. Common sense called. It said hello.

So, Comic Book Guy, if you’re reading this, your emails were funny. Thank you for making me smile.

The email was sent to a standard email address we use for Bryci for questions for her video series. Fans write in questions, she answers them on video. I go through these often making the list so we’re ready for shooting and I found skippy’s emails. I found these and thought… Whoa. This is internet gold. These guys really exist.

I probably shouldn’t write about this complete dumb ass, but then again, why not? It was funny and in life, ya gotta laugh at the clowns. No matter how bad my day is, knowing this guy actually exists in the world, makes my day brighter.

Keep those emails coming! james@jamesdot.com