One thing I LOVE about the Internet is the abundance of people that feel their basic knowledge of life surpasses my own. I’m not the smartest guy online, nor am I dumbest. I like to think of myself as having a decent set of tools at my fingertips when it comes to whatever I encounter. If I don’t know the answer to something, I like to make shit up that sounds real, but makes me laugh knowing the person will go on and tell someone else this useless piece of fluff as if it were fact. I consider these little tidbits life’s bonus questions.

Ok, I don’t really do that but think about how much fun it’d be if we did this at least once per day. Pick a word or topic, come up with a new meaning or explanation for it and then as you did in grade two… pass it on.

Who is Nicholas Copernicus? He invented the vibrator.

What is a Colander used for? Mating albino mice.

Who invented Root Beer? Paul Rootenstein

Will calling a girl BABY really get me laid? YES YES YES

I get email from random people asking questions or offering advice. I enjoy it all, but from time to time I will encounter one Jeff Albertson.

Who is Jeff Albertson you ask? You might know him better as Comic Book Guy.

Guys like this will email myself or Bryci and at first, they seem nice. The first email is a polite email offering an idea or way to do this or that. When we email back saying thanks for the idea, they will take that as a sign that we bow down to the internet god status and it means please, email us more of your long winded emails that go on and on about shit we have no interest in knowing.

I like emails, in fact, I love them but when I get some guy writing several emails about the same topic when we haven’t asked him a question on the topic, It makes you wonder. I just can’t help but think…this motherfucker is Comic Book Guy.

This recently happened to Bryci. She and I are both eating healthy and from time to time we’ll write about it. Any of you that know Bryci knows she’s tiny as heck right? Well, this one guy emails her telling her about how she needs to read this diet book and how this is how she should eat, that is what she should eat etc. I mean, the first email… ok, you’re trying to be helpful, that makes sense. The second and third email though… ummm… really? Were those needed Comic Book Guy? Let me see if I understand this right…

You’re writing a model, someone who weighs around 100 pounds and is obviously serious about the way her body looks, telling her to read diet books and you then take it upon yourself to try and dictate her diet for her when she hasn’t asked for any assistance from you at all?

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Worst. Advice. Ever.

Wow. Way to impress the ladies there stud, what do you do for an encore, send out penis photos?

Any guy that has ever known a woman in real life (no, Mom doesn’t count dumb ass) knows that weight is the off grounds topic. Even if they are skinny, you stay the fuck clear of the topic. Even if asked a question.

Do these jeans make my ass look fat?

Right answer: No.

Comic Book Guy answer: No, your ass makes your ass look fat.

Ok, that was just funny. Sorry, got side tracked there.

Point being, guys, here’s a small tip… when it comes to the ladies, if they want your advice, they will very much ask you for it. Even if it’s your significant other, you don’t try and dictate their food intake. That is, unless you’d like eye daggers and possibly like to be banished to the couch. Common sense called. It said hello.

So, Comic Book Guy, if you’re reading this, your emails were funny. Thank you for making me smile.

The email was sent to a standard email address we use for Bryci for questions for her video series. Fans write in questions, she answers them on video. I go through these often making the list so we’re ready for shooting and I found skippy’s emails. I found these and thought… Whoa. This is internet gold. These guys really exist.

I probably shouldn’t write about this complete dumb ass, but then again, why not? It was funny and in life, ya gotta laugh at the clowns. No matter how bad my day is, knowing this guy actually exists in the world, makes my day brighter.

Keep those emails coming! james@jamesdot.com

A little while back one of the guys I know online sent me an email and he asked me for a couple pointers to help him get to the body size he was going for. I love helping people and I get enthused when others are enthused about losing weight and being that version of themselves they want to be, so I had no problem emailing him back with some tips.

I got this email today that made my day.

———————

from: Jack xxxxxxxx@gmail.com
to: james@jamesdot.com
date: Fri, Jan 8, 2010 at 4:10 PM
subject: Thanks

I just saw our blog post on the bowflex and it reminded me, I wanted to say thanks. I’ve dropped 9 pounds since talking to you last time…who would’ve thought someone I’ve never met could motivate me to get in shape, go figure. I’ve been pretty good as far as eating and I’m def drinking plenty of water….never had to piss so much in my life I’m getting stricter every day as far as what goes into my body…..haven’t had a soda in weeks, no sugar in my morning coffee, 6 small meals a day, no butter, very few breads or pastas, nothing with sugar in it, ect.

I feel better than I have in about a year and I have to wear a belt all the time, even a pair of my old jeans that were pretty snug fit well again, haha. This feels like something I could really stick to and I have no one to give credit to but you and B Speaking of you two, if either of you have any recipes you’d like to pass along I’d appreciate it….I’m use to cooking things that are just good and not so much good for me.

Make sure to keep us updated on the bowflex too, I’ve considered one in the past but I’ve never had first hand experience with one and they aren’t exactly cheap.

Thanks again,

Jack

———————

Now doesn’t that make ya feel all warm and cozy? I was stoked that Jack took my advice and was inspired enough to make things happen. That fucking rocks. I can identify with the belt thing too, it’s a weird feeling when you drop 5-10 pounds off your frame. The clothes you liked before don’t fit, the pants are too loose and the shirts are baggy as hell so you look like some wangsta with his drawers above your pants, loose over sized shirt.

Yeah, I iz a gansta, foo. Wut.

At the same time, watching my frame get cut and watching B notice how my obliques are cutting up. She notices how I’m toning and I notice the way she looks at me different. No more holy fuck, you ate the whole thing? She is no longer dipping her food in the condiment stains on my shirt. Ok, she never did that. eww

Point is, my body is changing and I’m doing it for me, but the fact the one person that means the world to me is noticing, that just keeps me motivated more. It’s easier for her as well with me eating clean. She loves the bad food as much as you or I do but she also likes not having ripples when she bends over. I think she is the definition of perfection, but thing is, I thought that when I first met her, long before she was Bryci. (awwww, try not to throw up guys)

So anyway… Bowflex is ordered.

I’m dead serious about their six week challenge so I am going to blog about it often and keep you guys in the loop. Before I start I will be taking before photos, before measurements, the whole thing. They claim in six weeks you will see a dramatic difference or your money back. This of course, if you’re using it right. Being that it’s bought on CC, damn, the bill will get to me after 4 of the 6 weeks so it works out well. Worst case, I send it back and I tried something new to further myself for 6 weeks.

The upside, I IZ A GANGSTA FOO!

Off to continue date night with my girl, later all.

Author : maikle (IP: 85.185.251.18 , 85.185.251.18)
E-mail : yora9090@yahoo.com
Whois  : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=85.185.251.18
Comment:

hi your very nice
i love you
please send me sex picture
wait me.
tanks

——————————

When someone comments on Bryci’s blog or Ava’s blog, of course they do not go live right away. The comments need to be approved. 99% of the time, no issues aside from some spam. Spambots love blogs, go figure.

In any case, this post above was posted by maikle and he thinks Ava is very nice, he loves her and would like a sex picture and for her to wait for him… I think. My broken English isn’t very good, sorry.

awwwwwwww

Don’t ya just want to send him a nice goatse picture?

It’s 2010 and this is my first piece of blog humor, brought do you courtesy of maikle.

awesome.

Thank you maikle, have a good 2010

EDIT…

low and behold, our good friend has also commented on MY blog. wtfwtfwtf

——————————

Author : alen (IP: 85.185.251.18 , 85.185.251.18)
E-mail : yora9090@yahoo.com
URL    :
Whois  : http://ws.arin.net/cgi-bin/whois.pl?queryinput=85.185.251.18
Comment:
your very nice
i love you
plaes plaes send me a sex picture
tanks

——————————

His name has now changed to Alen. hmmm… his ip address puts him… in Kermanshah, Iran.

So what do we know about our Iranian friend? I mean, aside from his ability to morph names like nobody’s business? Well, we also know now that he likes the cack.

ewww

Sorry Alen/maikle/whatever the fuck your name is. I will not be sending you sex picture.

Perhaps a nice goatse though since you like-a-da-hoop.

Merry Fuckmas, dillhole.

I got this comment from someone earlier on my blog I thought was amusing. He didn’t put a name with it, instead he thought he’d put down a fake email, a fake name, but forgetting his ip address is shown of course. Meh, who cares? heh

I had a good laugh over his comment, but then later as I was installing software on the new windows box I thought, what if others are mistaken as well? Normally, I’m not one to really give a shit about what others might think in regards to me or the site. At the same time, if I am coming off a certain way that I am joking about, and others are taking it as serious… well snap, that’s just funny.

For the newbs that are here, this site is simple. It’s an internet website. It isn’t the gospel according to the book of James. It’s supposed to be taken lightly, not too serious. If I say something you disagree with, speak up. If I say something you agree with, speak up. See how that works?

Let’s look at the comment though, shall we? Perhaps next time he’ll grow a set and actually attach a name and email so we can reply to this fine piece of internet hatery.

Dude, seriously. My first hate mail in a long time. Might as well post it for all to enjoy.

His text will be in bold, my response, in italics so it’s easier to follow.

—————————–

So you went and saw New Moon.  You liked it.  Good for you.  What does that say about you?  Absolutely nothing. So I have to ask; what the hell is up with the tone of this blog?

Yes, I did see New Moon, although I didn’t go and see it. We downloaded it from the internet. It’s neat. Mostly tubes and wires, kind of complicated. The tone of this blog? Hmmm… well, to be honest, there really is no tone. I write what I feel like writing and those that wish to read, read. Those that wish to get cranky and upset because they missed their 2pm nap and don’t like that I called out Mini Van drivers… well, they send me emails or gutless anonymous comments.

It’s something I’ve noticed with a lot of your blog posts – pointless diatribe against others, about your self-assurance, pride, and, I don’t know, apparent manliness?  I have to say, I don’t understand the point of it.

You’ve read a lot of my blog posts? SUCCESS! This is what I was going for. What does it say if my posts are pointless, yet you keep on reading them? Diatribe. Good word. That’s at least a triple word score if used properly. +1

Self assurance? check. Pride? check. Apparent maniless? hahaha. Ok chief, if you say so. I thought it didn’t bother you that i saw New Moon. Damn emo vampires lowered my man score in Sir Anonymous’ eyes. Faaaack. Now what am I going to do with the rest of my day? Oh yeah.. watch it again, and again, and again. Damn that Edward Cullen is a stone cold fox. Wheeeee

Don’t get me wrong.  I acknowledge and appreciate your skill as a photographer and contributions to the adult entertainment industry, and the improvement in integrity thereof.  However, I can’t wrap my head around your constant posturing in regards to others’ apparent inadequacy compared to yourself.

Thank you for the kind words, I do try. I have a lot of room to improve mind you, but that’s what keeps me going. As for my constant posturing in regards to other’s inadequacies compared to myself… umm… what do you want me to say? I’m not a total rtard like some of the rtards I write about. I’ve posted many times that I’m not perfect and don’t profess to be. I don’t drive a mini van though so hey, I get points there for damn sure.

Sometimes I post things that make sense to some, but not to others. Other times I post things about the industry that piss off some people, because they feel I am writing about them. Although if I am not naming them, their insecurities can hardly be blamed on me can they? If I write about a clown in cam chat that is calling the girls BB and asking them to show their pussy… is it bad if I lampoon the douche in here? I don’t think so. After all, he is the douche. Lest we forget.

I’m pretty fucking awesome dude. Seriously. Ask around.

What are you trying to prove?  What point are you trying to make with all these blogs about giving sex advice, strawman rebuttals about how secure you are in your manhood and relationship?  Are there unseen assailants attacking you in these areas?

I am trying to prove that it is possible to divide by zero. I know, I know… can’t be done you say. Well, I beg to differ. If you use a donut, it *can* be done. Sex advice was common sense, not sure if I struck a cord with you there sport, if I did… my bad. Circle the nub a little before diving at it. Go soft… not hard. Feel better now?

Strawman rebuttals? I don’t recall arguing with any scarecrows… but shit, maybe they WERE scarecrows and I didn’t know. Son of a bitch. Okay… who extended the wireless to the corn field. Ah man, this changes everything. Ok, bad joke. Strawman – Scarecrow… anywhoo…

Nice try flipping my blog into the way you view it and I’m supposed to defend it? lolol. un huh. okay, I’ll get on that.  I’m pretty secure in my manhood and relationship. If you aren’t sure, perhaps go and re-read my blog/site? aaaand scroll up. Better yet, I’ll quote above for you… “I’m pretty fucking awesome dude. Seriously. Ask around.”

Unseen assailants? Dude. Were you high when you wrote this? OF COUSE THERE ARE UNSEEN ASSILIANANTS! They are called Ninjas. duuuh. They are everywhere, and nowhere… and everywhere again.

It’s one thing to be confident and self-assured, and obviously it’s your blog, so it’s up to you what you write about.  Just thought you might want to keep in mind how you’re coming off to some people; sort of a cocky know-it-all, sitting on a hill beating your chest.

I am confident and self assured, thank you for noticing.

I’m not one to generally care of someone doesn’t like me because I am opinionated and I don’t pull punches. I call it as I see it but as I have often said, just because I see it that way… doesn’t mean that’s the way it is or that this way is right. It’s just how *I* see it. It’s called an opinion. Shall I wiki it for you?

I am cocky to a degree, but my brain works plenty good so I can back up the cocky. Neat hey?

PLENTY GOOD

That being said, keep up the good work.  Big fan of Bryci.

Thanks man, I appreciate the time it took for you to sit down and rant about me. It was fun responding as well. =)

Bryci is the booooomb!

in closing…  this is a website. You shouldn’t take anything too serious. I play around on here for shit and giggles, and well, make light of things I find funny. Others may not appreciate the comments, but meh, they hit that little x in the corner if they wish.

It’s juuust a website man, just a website.