I used to live in Spokane, Washington. I hated it when I moved there. I thought it was a po dunk shit hole to be blunt. A meth house on every corner it seemed. I was with someone else at that point in my life, I didn’t even know B. The girl I was with had it rough because I was unhappy, continually putting down where I lived. It was her home town and she adored it. I was, in short, an asshole about it. No nice way to say it.

I was there for her, but I wasn’t happy about it. My own fault really.. but that’s another story.

As time went on, I started to get used to my surroundings. I started to actually like Spokane. I met some great friends, started into a little routine, kidnapping tourists and making skin coats and well, I wasn’t unhappy about where I lived anymore. I quite enjoyed it. Weird how life can be. It’s really as tough as you make it.

I haven’t lived in Washington state now for over six years. Time flies when you’re having fun hey? I do miss my friends in Spokompton at times, especially The Glen (even tho he no longer resides in the spokompt hood). If I hadn’t moved back to Canada when I did, my life would rolled in a different direction. I’d have never ended up meeting Bryci and I’d probably be a different person. In my opinion, she’s such a major part of my life, if it weren’t for her, without doubt I’d be a different man. I might even have three arms.

HEY. YOU DON’T KNOW FOR SURE. FUCK YOU.

I guess what I am saying here, is that sometimes… life will throw you a curve you didn’t see coming. Maybe you’ll end up moving somewhere like I did and you’ll be unhappy, as I was. In time you’ll see the unhappiness was all in your head, and as soon as you decided to stop being five, shit got better.  That’s what happened for me anyway, maybe you’ll be more fortunate and find your way to happiness even quicker than I did. For your sanity, I hope so.

I have had some curves thrown my way in life, who hasn’t? Sometimes you figure it just can’t get any worse… and then it does. Ha! I know dude, I know. We’ve all been there. It does get better though. Eat Shreddies, I’m just sayin… if those happy diamonds can’t make ya smile, pfffft, you’re pretty much set to be unhappy for life.

Shreddies are teh bomb!

Snap.

It is almost 4:22 am. OMGOMGOMGOMG I am so fackin facked

Jack (our little destroyer of worlds) will be awake at about 7:15am area to go pee. It will be at this time I will pull my sleepy ass from slumber and walk him to the patio door, telling him… GO PEE JACK. He will trot over to his green and let fluid fly. Upon such time I will bring him in and grab the blanket near the door that has been marked with jack’s scent. I will then clean his under-carriage so it’s not damp, you know male dogs, their generally get wet when they piss. I will then trot Sir Prissy Pants aka princess into the bedroom where Bryci lay dormant… safe in the knowledge I will wake her not, from her dreams.

I shall lift his majesty skyward to the bed so he can lick himself into a frenzy in style whilst I crash the fuck out.

Face it, if you could go to town on yer bidniz, you would too. You know you would. Don’t even lie.

Upon waking, you can color my ass sitting in this chair working on Katie’s new site. It’s sooo close.

If all goes well, we go live tonight.

I wonder which site I shall engage myself with next? hmmm…

damn I am tired. I was in bed too, almost asleep and then I remembered I had to submit something to ccbill for approval for co-launch with Katie’s site. One couldn’t take place without the other and nobody likes a slacker.

Well, I like slackers, they make me look goooood… but you get my what I’m saying.

One last thing…

I posted this pic in the randoms area. I said it was our bathroom. Some of you have been watching this regularly, hoping to see Bryci.

You.are.retards. There. I said it.

This is not our bathroom. This is an animated gif consisting of two frames. on and off. er… red dot on, red dot off.

If you are one of the many I snafu’d with this, go into your bathroom, lift the toilet seat up. Lay your head on the rim, use toilet paper as a safe clean barrier from da germs if you must.

Now, slam the seat downward unto your melon as fast as you can, repeatedly until blood pours from your ears.

Please. Thank you. I would if I could but you know… you’re there, I’m here… there’s that whole awkward thing about being in the same bathroom with a stranger… anywhoo…

STOP WATCHING DA GIF. Seriously.

We aren’t ever going to show up in this animated gif. Ever.

Ok kids, enough of the funnies. I’m giggling at my own dumb jokes and oh look, it’s 4:38am.

Jack’s bladder is on count down mode at this point. fuck. I wonder if I taped a balloon to his wiener, if that’d work.

will get back to you on this.

So as it turns out, I censor myself. What the hell?

I will write out a blog post that I feel passionate about, and then I read it again and ponder… how can this bite me in the ass?

I never asked that question before. I didn’t much care to be honest. I’ve always tried to pride myself in being a person that speaks his mind and doesn’t bend to public views. I like who I am and what I do. I don’t really care if others accept this or that about me, simply because I’m who I say I am.

In life you often meet people and you don’t know if you’re getting the real deal or just some character they want you to see. You meet someone new and you’re on your best behavior, it’s the honeymoon phase of the friendship/relationship/whatever. You’re not 100% you and odds are, they’re not 100% them either.

What part of that makes sense though? We all wish the world was a better place, yet we all push bullshit personas forward rather then lowering the wall and showing people who we truly are. Sure, it’s for self preservation, I get that.. but at the same time… I wish people were just people, ya know?

I prefer someone to be blunt and honest over sugar coating and ass kissing every day. I might be thought of by some as an asshole, but at least the question of who I am is never up for debate. What you see is what you get. I will bend backwards to help my fellow man, but if walked upon, you’d best believe this changes.

Some people confuse being nice with being weak. They are *very* different.

If someone in business tries to screw me over, I go after them guns a blazin’ and I don’t think twice about it. My Dad was an asshole, US marine core drill sergeant for 17 years and one thing he taught me, you never bring a knife to a gun fight. Indiana Jones proved this point in raiders of the Lost Ark. (classic scene btw) If someone is out to screw you over, you communicate and see if you can reach a resolution, if you cannot, you do what you need to do. Simple.

Go to the mattresses.

I digress… (as I often do)

I’ve come to find lately I am censoring myself in my blog. I am asking who I might upset with this post or that post. Who I might piss off or how it might be bad for business if I speak openly about certain topics, certain people.

I think I am going to start being me again. I am tired of writing out long blog posts about things I feel very passionate about, then I nuke the blog post because I’m sure it’ll upset someone. That’s bullshit and that sure as hell isn’t me. While I do go out of my way to be someone I like, and someone my Mom would be proud of, I still need to be true to myself, right? I think so anyway.

So don’t expect some HOLYSHIT blog posts down the road, I’ll most likely still be posting some boring things.. but if I feel passionate about something and wish to rant, it’s done. It’s out there. No editing or just removing the post before it goes live.

Worst case, JERRY JERRY JERRY

Best case, I feel better about no longer being censored DING DING!

One of my favorite movies is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Old school Matthew Broderick.

The movie has given me a lot of great quotes that I have used many times.

The question isn’t "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren’t we going to do?"

“Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

It’s funny how fast truly does move isn’t it? You can have plans to do this or that one second, and then next thing you know, you’re moving in a different direction. You have different plans and you look back on the plans you had and you’re happy they didn’t take place. Forward motion is all that matters. If you’re not moving forward, you’re either moving backward or you’re idle. Idle is kind of boring, no?

I often have heard people say “everything happens for a reason”. The inner Dexter in me (Dexter’s Laboratory, not Dexter the serial killer) would say… well of course things happen for a reason, stupid!

When something happens, it’s because you or someone else put things in motion, not because it magically just took place.

Like the other day… we were shooting and this woman comes and parks her car where we were shooting. The resulting shoot we created after leaving and returning home turned out better than if we’d stayed outdoors where we were shooting. Well, I guess that happened for a reason!

No… it happened because some lady with a camera decided she wanted to shoot that day. It wasn’t some cosmic plan to make sure we get a good set shot, it was as simple as some lady with a new Rebel XTi decided where we were shooting looked like a good place for her to snap off some pix. Fairly simple, fairly straight forward.

Then again, perhaps my inner Dexter is too closed minded? Maybe it *did* happen for a reason. Meh, fuck if I know, fuck if I care. It’s just weird to me. A month back I was waiting around for something… today I find myself out of that holding pattern, moving forward with not one new site but three new sites. Strange how life can move fast, but in reality… it was always moving fast. I guess I just chose to put my foot on the floor and drive rather than sitting idle.

Feels good, really good. Watch for some big things coming…  the coming month will be a blur after all is said and done.

What did you look like when you were a kid? Have you blossomed into your own or are you still in that awkward phase? I had glasses growing up, still have them actually… but I wear contacts most of the time. I got teased of course in school by some kids. You know how it goes, the kids that are different got shit on, I figure we all got it to some degree didn’t we?

I often look back and wonder how different people turned out, if they are still assholes or still quiet reserved people. If they still bully those around them or if they still cower in the corner, afraid to speak when spoken to.

Many years have passed since then, but the principal remains the same. There are still assholes, There are still reserved people. The people that were ignored or once deemed to be ugly seemed to have come into their looks and are now considered attractive, where as many of the ‘cute kids’ from back then are just average now. Karma perhaps?

It sucks that we’re a society that bases who is important and who is disposable on our outward appearance, but that’s pretty much it, isn’t it? That’s somewhat of a blanket statement I suppose.. but yes, looks matter. The pretty girl gets hired over the normal girl usually, the good looking guy gets hired over the normal guy. Just the way it is. We all want to talk to the pretty person, it makes us feel like we fit it, like we’re part of the cool crowd or something.

I like it when I see a photo of someone from the past, like a celebrity for example. Seeing what they looked like as a child and then knowing who they are what they look like now. Makes me wonder about the kids that picked on them growing up. How the road from being the nerd to being accepted must have been a welcome one, and one that they look back on and smile about. Knowing just how kick ass their life is now, while those that discounted them as a turd burglar while growing up, probably now have a boring lame ass existence.

Ah yes, Karma works in amazing ways.

Case in point…

You have got to know Ryan Seacrest (pictured above) had his share of bullshit growing up. Look where he is now though. One might say he’s paid his dues and then some on the grand scale of life.

Yes, I love how the universe rights itself. Maybe it has fuck all to do with the universe and it’s just us fighting back against the cards we were dealt. Who knows. =)

Are you dating someone? Do you recall the honeymoon phase of the relationship?  B and I were talking tonight and she told me about how kick ass it was that we never had that awkwardness. I agree completely.

For those that are unsure what I mean…

The Honeymoon Phase is the time in dating where you are both on your best behavior. You’re both pulling out the stops and being the perfect someone for the other person. You’re both doing those things that you should do all the time, but it’s not really you… it’s the best possible version of you. Will it last? Nope, that’s why it’s called a phase. Sound familiar?

Guys… how many times you think back to when you started to date your girl, you remember how she used to do this or that… but now she doesn’t do that anymore. Ladies, how many times you see the guy being a gentleman and opening your car door for you, or helping you do something that was important to you, or just generally putting his life aside to put you first? Do you question if he puts you first? You shouldn’t have to, you should know he does.

See, it happens for both sexes. The Honeymoon Phase is real… usually.

For some reason… with B and myself… it never happened at all. See, the reasoning that we figured out… when we met we weren’t going to date. We were friends for awhile first. She saw me as I was getting out of my last relationship, hell, she even accidentally met the ex. She thought she was hot so I guess that’s good. haha (I know girls look at who you dated and if the girls were hot, you’re at least worthy… if you dated trolls, why the fuck would the hot girl want to date you?)

We never intended to date, we were friends and we’d hang out, do things together. B was one of the boys to me. I’d worked with models for the past ten+ years, dated a lot of them too… so pretty girls don’t have the same effect on me that they might with an average guy. Any photographer or webbie that works close with girls will tell you the same story. It’s not that we don’t notice hot women, it’s that we’re desensitized or something. We’re not effected to the point we think with our little heads as opposed to our big heads.

B knew what she was getting with me from the start, no hidden layers she had to peal back. I’m not perfect by any means, but she knew I was a gentleman, but she also knew I could be an asshole if pushed. It takes a lot for me to be a dick to someone, I’m generally a nice guy, I am not vindictive or anything. Mind you, if someone tries to fuck me over, then it’s on. Bryci has seen me lose my temper maybe twice and truthfully, that’s two times I’d like to take back. No, I didn’t kick her ass, haha.. she’s a tough one this girl, she’d have kicked mine. Plus, I’m not the violent type, I took Kenpo Karate at an early age so I would be in control of my emotions. It worked. I don’t snap, if anything, I’m far too chill for my own good.

With B, I knew exactly who she was before I started to ponder a life with her. She won me over not with her looks, but with her heart. The words she would speak, the compassion she shows to others and mostly, how she has made me honestly want to be a better person. Any woman that makes you want to be a better man… yup, she’s the keeper.

So no honeymoon phase for us, we side stepped it right into knowing who each other are.  Always nice when you feel at home with the person right from day one. Sure, we have moments of WTF with one another, who doesn’t? We’re human and as such, we’re prone to make errors along the way. That’s how it works I think? Errors are what teach us what works and what doesn’t.

B is my Angel, she keeps me sane. Sure, sometimes she also drives me crazy but I return that favor in spade, make no mistake. I’m a typical guy, I think too much. I over analyze shit like a lot of guys do, but I am learning to quiet the voices and just be. It’s nice when you can actually slow things down for yourself long enough to think clearly.

There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for this woman, and she knows it. She knows I will always be here to keep her safe, warm and happy. Hell, she makes a bad ass tuna casserole, why on earth would I not want to be with this beautiful woman? She has been my plus one for the past three and a half years and we’re not slowing down, we’re picking up speed.

As for this very second… 2:17am (pst)… she’s been in bed for the past hour easily.. it’s time I creep into bed and try not to wake her as I do so. We’re shooting all day Wednesday with Ava, so that’ll be fun. Don’t forget, both of these beauties have cam shows today (Tuesday). Ava is on at 4PM PST and Bryci is on at 5pm PST.