Example, you typing FML might have the phone replace that text with Fuck My Life.

Make sense?

So, this blog comes from a “wife” that took her “husband’s” phone and decided to have some fun with him.

First, she creates shortcuts with words…

Once the shortcuts were in place, she starts to screw with Joey, her “husband”

(air quotes used because this is most likely fake, but meh, whatever)

a little while later…

If you’re a lady reading this…. and you laugh…

after reading this comic, I know you have a sense of humor and you will not hunt me down. Thank you. I wasn’t laughing. I don’t think it’s funny. No, I don’t think…er.. I do think…er..

nevermind.

Fishers, wherever you are… Merry Christmas.

This @MacLethal666 motherfrucker is crazy, yo. Throw your panties on the stage.

Seriously. Never before have I wanted pancakes. Fucker has a stack and I got none.

also.. check out Mac’s cousin Bennett. – http://textsfrombennett.tumblr.com/

Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
  3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
  5:00 pm – Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
  7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
  8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people!  My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
          
Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary

Day 983 of my captivity…

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.   I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am.   

Bastards

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.   However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.   The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him  communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.  

For now…………….

You need to go here and laugh laugh laugh aaaaand repeat. http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/