So one of the reasons my blog became popular with some is because I don’t generally mince words. I’m pretty open, pretty blunt. I don’t much give a fuck if someone likes me or not, I write for me. I do things to get them out of my head, as if I am seeing a shrink (you) and it’s sooo much cheaper than $200/hour. Ya know?
Some guys see my blogs and think… wow, you’re a fag.
They think this because they themselves feel it’s lame to be honest about shit publicly. Not sure if they’re young or just insecure. I’m pretty secure about life, who I am etc. The only areas I am not happy with are the same areas most people are not pleased. Physically.
I have a great body or so Bryci tells me. I have lost some of my size if I am being honest with myself. I have not been working out, I haven’t been eating properly. I haven’t been drinking my waters, taking my supplements etc. Why? Fuck if I know. I want to tell you it’s because of this or that but bottom line, it’d be bullshit excuses. At some point you have to own your errors. You have to be able to see where you’re fucking up before you can change things.
I get out of the shower, and like you, I take inventory. What do I like, what do I want to work on. Sometimes, like you, I have skinny days or days I feel like I can see the progress from working out etc. Thing is, as I just wrote, I haven’t been hitting the gym/food/water… so when I go to take inventory, for the most part.. yeah, I see things I want to be different.
I’m starting to get angry at myself. I am starting to say.. dude.. wtf is wrong with you? B thinks I am being too hard on myself. Like I said, I am not overweight, I am not fat, I have decent muscle mass.. it’s just not where I want to be. Not who I want to be. Make sense?
I have to believe at least one of you reading this can relate with me. Maybe most of you can, not sure. All I know is this; the only thing stopping me from being better, is me. ME. Not some excuse. Not my sleeping schedule, my shooting schedule, my food intake. ME ME ME.
I’m fucking tired of making excuses. I am tired of looking in the mirror and thinking.. have I lost an inch around my arms? Is my chest as large as it was? Am I gaining weight here? I know I am being stupid in the big picture. I know some people are 50 pounds overweight, they have reason to have rough days if they chose to have rough days.. these people are really overweight, I know I am not.
I stand 6’0 actually 5’11.5.. so I round up.. short person thing I guess.
I weigh 180 pounds, but my body fat percentage is higher then I want it to be. According to fitness levels, I am right in the normal category. I don’t feel that way.
I think I might start 15 in 21 again. I need to jump start myself because right now, holy shit I am not happy. Am I being vain? Sure. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to be the best version of yourself though do you? When I was younger, this shit was easy, but once you get older, your body isn’t creating the same amount of testosterone and as such, it is more difficult to drop weight, streamline your frame.
I’m just tired of being frustrated with simple things that are well within my reach to change. I am not sure if you agree with me, maybe you feel the same way.. it suckin fucks but hey, at the end of the day all we can do is kick ourselves in the ass and get things going.
I’ll keep ya updated.
