This blog might be a touchy topic for some. I see this happen from time to time to people I know and/or care about and it’s hard. I personally have gone through this as well, recently in fact so I have a very real connection to what I am writing. Let me explain..

btw this blog is dedicated to those of you in a relationship. If you’re single this blog may or may not resonate with you.

Have you ever dated someone that didn’t truly accept you for who you were or who you are? They wanted to change something about you or they felt the need to tell you that they prefer this or that, they liked the old you better then the new you etc. It’s like they have this “perfect you” in their head and holy smokes, you have SO MUCH POTENTIAL if you’d only change these things about you they don’t like.

Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with these people? Seriously.

Before Bryci and I started dating, I was dating this blonde woman that turned heads wherever she went. She had many guys trying to date her, and I’m pretty sure like most pretty women, she loved the attention. She was a great person, stable home life, not some chronic fuckwad that couldn’t get her shit together. (we’ve all dated those at one point or another and yes, they suck and very much like a leopard, they do not change their spots).

When I started dating J (her name started with a J so I’ll just call her J) I thought she was a pretty cool cat. She accepted me for me (or so i thought) and she never gave me grief about working in the adult industry. She knew I was around pretty girls all the time but she too was a pretty girl so I figured she was fine with it. I asked her on many an occasion if she was, and she always gave me a resounding yes type of answer.

Truth is, she wasn’t. I didn’t learn this until later but it wasn’t the direct wording that clued me in… it was the subtle hints here and there. When i wanted to start my tattoo, she’d go out of her way to point out others with ink and detail how it really ruined their bodies. How ink makes the person look less attractive and how tattoos are sort of low class in her opinion. As a good little boyfriend, I’d nod and think… fuck my life… but allow it to continue.

Once she saw she got her way with that topic, she started sinking her hooks in. We never fought much at first, until I started to see how she was trying to make me something else. She wanted me to dress a certain way. She didn’t like me hanging with my friends because they were bad influences in her books. All they do is drink and party, if you go out with them you’ll end up coming home with some other woman and you’ll cheat on me. This was her mindset and her mindset was out to fucking lunch.

As time wore on, I started to see her grand plan for me. You ever have one of those relationships where you’re dating someone.. the person is nice, the sex is alright.. but you’re sort of unenthused. You’re not really present in the relationship and next thing you know, a year has passed.

A WHOLE FUCKING YEAR??? WHAT?

Yes, a year. Time to step up and more importantly, man up.

I broke it off with J for two reasons.

1) I wasn’t happy with the idea of spending my life with her. I get ONE life in this lifetime anyway, i wanted to be with the one person that made my soul SOAR to new heights. The one person that would have my back and never try and change me. She’d love me for me, no matter who I am or what I want to be when i grow up.

2) She wasn’t dating me, she was dating this guy she was hand crafting into the guy she wanted to date.

Yeah, this is not going to happen. Time to call it day.

So I wasted a year basically, which sucks, but at the same time it was amazing because a short time after I broke things off with J, a friend introduced me to Bryci. Bryci was not a model back then, she was just this cool chick that was moving to the same town I lived in. We started to hang out as friends and for a long time, that’s all we were, friends. We had no interest in dating, we were just loving hanging out, being buds.

She got to see me uncensored. No honeymoon phase bullshit where I am at my best. She saw the REAL me. Who I am, what I do, how I treat others when I am happy, when I am pissed off. She knew who I was because I didn’t give a fuck what she thought and I saw who she was for the same reason. We weren’t trying to get the other person interested.

When you’re dating someone that puts their values on you, if you don’t stand up for yourself, you are allowing this to happen. You are giving them permission to squash your identity. Shitty, don’t you think?

I didn’t see it with J at first. I didn’t want to see it. I have always been outspoken, aggressive, I go after things in life I want. I have never backed down from anything so to have this woman (J) woman come into my life and re-program my dumb ass without me even knowing it … wow, quite the shock to the ego. I’d been had, for lack of better term.

After dating J, the LAST thing I wanted was another relationship with anyone that didn’t accept me for me. Of course, we always get the people that tell you what you want to hear. They tell you things to keep you happy, to shut you up, all the while they are spinning their web and working you into someone else.

No. Not cool.

Bryci was and is such a breath of fresh air for me. She not once has tried to change anything about me. She accepts me for me, and I of her.

I see friends dating people or trying to date people and these people are pulling the same bullshit J pulled with me.

I’m going to push my values and ideals on you, and you’ll allow me to do this. So in essence, you’re giving up your own identity and assuming a variation of mine. Wow, doesn’t that sound like an asscake sandwich with a side of are you fucking kidding me?

Fuck everything about that.

Here’s the advice part of this…

If you are in a relationship with someone, BE YOU. Don’t be them. For christ’s sake, BE YOU. If they can’t hack it, fuck them. The time you’re with them, you’re wasting your own time because you COULD be with someone that accepts you FOR YOU. These people might be hard to come by, but they DO exist.

If you’re a model in the biz, yes, finding a guy that is secure with himself enough to date you is a challenge. At the same time, are you kidding me? If you’re some hot model, any guy would give his left nut to date you. Sure you might find the odd one that is all … no no no about this or that, so kick his ass to the curb, throw your hook back in the water and catch yourself another fishy. They ARE out there.

I often wonder about the models that fall for one of their fans… did they fall for the fan because they fan is accepting already of who the model is and what she’s about? Makes good sense to me. Well, if you can find a fan in your area that is a good guy.

Note to fans reading this trying to catch a model as your next girlfriend – Wake the fuck up. If you are even remotely overweight or you have a shit job, why would she date you? Not trying to hate on ya man, but be real for a minute here. This isn’t the internet, this shit is REAL LIFE. YOU control these things. So control them for fuck’s sake. We all get a little fluffy sometimes, some extra weight on the body.. but let’s be honest here, WE CAN CHANGE THIS. So change it. Stop making excuses. You want to be better? Then be better. Once you’ve got you in order, go after you dream girl. You never know what might happen, I personally know of a few online models that ended up with a fan as her boyfriend or husband so yes, dreams happen. Just be the best you because you already know she’s the best her… so give her something worth smiling about since we both know it’ll be years for you to wipe that smile off your face after winning the model dates me lottery. Trust me on this.

So in closing…

Don’t let anyone put their bullshit views on you, ever. Stand up for yourself, always. Be you and you’ll attract likewise people. Trust in this.

If you’re a hot female reading this, with all due respect, stop stressing. Don’t take shit, you hold all the power. If some douche can’t handle you, fuck him and his insecure ass. He can go be a little bitch in the corner while real men line up to date you.

Thanks for reading.

It’s time for one of my epic rants. you ready?

One of my favorite quotes: “Everything popular is wrong” – Oscar Wilde

This is true in my opinion.

We’ve somehow become a society of sheep. So concerned with the wrong things, what you’re driving, what you’re wearing, where you live. How many square feet? How many bathrooms? Is it fast? Does it have leather seats?

Sigh.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

Is it just me or are people assholes for the most part? Nobody says please, thank you, nothing. Canadians get teased for being polite. This somehow makes sense to you? If you’re an American and you think it’s funny Canadians are nice, you just might be an asshole. You’re aware of this right?

Sweet, there’s something to be proud of.

BE THE CHANGE

If you’re tired of people being shitty to you, how about you stop sucking? If you haven’t noticed yet, we learned this as babies and we still do it today. We mirror what is in front of us. If you look crabby, people think you’re crabby. If you look happy, you’re perceived as being happy.

(or stoned, drunk, on meds, meh… same diff)

YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE

Why is this not common sense? Everyone is so sure the world is out to get them.

Newsflash – the world doesn’t give two squirts of piss about you. The only one that has your back, IS YOU.

I’m not jaded, I’ve just been around enough to see this as being true. Feel free to correct me if you feel otherwise.

Put positivity out there and oh snap, would you look at that? I am getting positivity back.

This rant isn’t being negative, this rant is a wake up call for some. It was what woke me up not too long ago.

I will without question have at least one message, one email, one phone call asking me if this blog was about that person.

This blog is not about you. This blog is not about you. This blog is not about you. This blog is not about you.

Capiche?

This blog is a collection of utter bullshit I’ve endured over the past month or two. I am tired of hearing people bitch and moan about how rough things are. You have a computer, you have internet, you most likely have a roof over your head. You want to talk rough? Go check out the people with no job to support their families. The people that are back from the war and the banks have foreclosed on their home. The kids with no food in their bellies. The homeless dude down the street that can’t feed his dog.

Go ahead, tell me how your life sucks. No, wait, don’t.

Life might be hard for you right now, but come on, you’re fine. Pick up your shit and get it together.

I’ve been there myself, hardships, shitty things, life deals you a hand you never saw coming. It sucks. It really, truly does but who cares? It’s survival of the fittest and last time I had a story to bitch and moan about, i don’t recall getting paid for it. I do recall getting evicted though or having my lights shut off because I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that I forgot the very basic way life works. You need to work to survive.

Again, NO I am not talking about you. I am recounting my personal life here. If it matches yours in the past, present or future… fucking fantastic!

I can give you some advice and if you are smart and follow it, you’ll be a-okay.

Stop.

Just stop the pattern you’re doing. Keep doing the same thing, how are things going to change?

Benjamin Franklin scribed – “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”

^ ^ ^ THIS ^ ^ ^

You are the only one that can change things. So.. umm.. change things.

Pick up the pieces, rebuild, you’re going to be fine. Hate to sound cheesy, but you have to believe to achieve.

Yes, things will be hard, that’s how it works. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it, wouldn’t they?

A phrase I like to tell myself.. Leader or Follower. Which are you?

The greatest thing about each day we’re given (and we are given these days, you should never expect them, they’re a gift, use them wisely) is that you get to choose if you’re going to lead the way or follow others.

Hint – FUCK FOLLOWING OTHERS.

Most others are so fucked up, lost in their Facebook status update or keeping up with the Joneses.. you’re better off Leading. Trust me.

Strong people are rare but if you’re still reading, I have a feeling you’re either one of them already or you have the ability to be one of them.

So what’s stoping you? You clearly have a computer, internet, electricity. So what’s your story? Time to start kicking ass?

I’d say yes.

Okay, enough with the rantavitional speech. (new word, feel free to use it as needed. Rant + Motivational = Ranivational)

Time for random shit.

10 RANDOM THINGS INSIDE MY HEAD (now in my blog)

Uncensored, the way things in life should be

Alright people.. I am outty. Time to go spend the evening with my better half.

Again, I was not talking about you. If your life is sucking, change it. It’s not impossible, what’s impossible is dealing with the mindset that change is impossible. If life is fucked, does it matter what you do? Pick one thing, change it. You’ll see it’s easier than you think.

Make sense?

Lastly, tempting as it might be, yellow snow is NOT LEMONADE SNOW.

Avoid the temptation.